Weekly Trust

Settling for the ideal husband

The qualities of an ideal husband are likely to differ among women for different reasons, meaning what one woman sees as ideal may not be the same for another. So what is the best way to go about finding the ideal husband? 

In an ideal situation, most, if not all, men would like to be ideal husbands, and all women would, no doubt, like to be married to one. But, for some reasons, many men are turning out not to be the ideal husbands and the women often admit that they didn’t marry one. The fact is finding an ideal husband, according to relationship experts, is so difficult that even the idea of ‘ideal’ will change with marriage.
But why do women find it difficult to separate their aspirations and realities of life? Or is it that men are just not capable of becoming the ideal husbands women want them to be? Or is that even the women do not know what an ideal husband is and end up terming everyone as a bad husband? The questions are endless, just as answers to them are likely to vary from one woman to another.
Today, we are going to discuss some of the wrong conceptions women have regarding husbands. A look at the matrimonial section of a magazine quickly gives you an idea that many men and women do not know what an ideal husband is. While many men are looking for wives who will advertise themselves as doctors, engineers, and financially secure, women, on the other hand, appear to be on the lookout for an established professional or more likely a handsome Chief Operating Officer of a multinational company. 
“Rarely do men and women even mention character, religious convictions, and attitudes as a priority. At most, they might be mentioned as something out of nothing but not as a major priority. Many women seem to believe that a man is an ideal husband only if he is handsome, makes a lot of money, and comes from an influential family. Funny enough, this has not helped the marriage institution as the divorce rate continues to rise?” says Hajiya Salamatu Bashir, an Abuja-based civil servant.
It is important for women to base their judgment on what makes an ideal husband on his good character and religious commitment and not on the standards of the culture in which we were born, or our own materialistic mentality. If we rely on material acquisition to define what an ideal husband is then we can be sure that we are building our marriage on quick sand, rather than a solid foundation.
Characteristics of an unrealistic husband are many but we shall discuss few of them here.
Lack of patience is a major problem in marriages and unfortunately many husbands are guilt of this crime. Some even go so far abusing their wives unnecessarily probably because they come from cultures that teach them to be tough and macho to women. There should be no violence between husband and wife and men should not be the kind of tyrannical fathers whose children run away and hide when they come home. A father should not make his children uncomfortable with his presence.
Ego is another major problem many marriages face. The husband’s failure to consider his wife’s opinion is a major setback for the marriage. “We fail to understand that we will do much better if we consider the opinions of others and let them feel that they are a part of the decision-making process of the family. For a marriage to remain relevant both husband and wife should be on the same page and agree to each others’ opinions even after a disagreement. He should in no way reject a point just because it comes from a woman, which is a common behaviour amongst men of today,” says Mrs. Pamela Samson, who works with the Federal Ministry of Health.
Many husbands also find it difficult to help in the house, especially when it comes to the issue of raising children. It is said that a man cannot be an ideal Muslim husband, or even close to a good husband, if he leaves the responsibility of children completely to the mother. “If a child grows up with such a character that it is the mother that does everything in the house then you can be sure that that child, when he becomes a man, will be very unhelpful to his wife. We should be careful not to raise sons with a double standard where they have no household responsibilities. If we do, they will likely grow up with the attitude that they don’t need to do any household work and to some extent think they are above it,” says Mrs. Bisola Akinwande.
An ideal husband has very little or nothing to do with the amount of money one has; it is also not about physical beauty or the prestige of one’s job. Rather, it has to do with one’s commitment to do what is right even in seemingly difficult situations. The ideal husband should be humble, gentle, kind, considerate, caring, loving, open to good advice, willing to cooperate with others in the family rather than just dictate. No doubt, this is a very tall order but it is achievable.
In conclusion, however, women should be careful while going into marriage. They must not settle for a husband simply because he has money to spend. They must consider other things, especially his willingness to take his partner along in matters that have implications for the union.


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